


Acceptance.

by quakefalcon



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Nothing Hurts, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 17:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18743923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quakefalcon/pseuds/quakefalcon
Summary: Peggy Carter needs No Man to tell her what her life should be like. Not even Steve Rogers.





	Acceptance.

**Author's Note:**

> i was outraged by that ending and the implication that Steve would do that to her and that Peggy would just accept to have a man choosing to radically change her history just because he wanted her, so I wrote this.  
> the file name on my computer was "as if peggy carter would let any man dictate her life" and I almost titled it like that oooof. also, nat lived and clint died because i said so.

Of all the things that could have happened, Peggy slapping the back of his head and calling him a wanker was not something Steve was expecting.

  
"No offense, Steve, but did the plane crash knock your gears all out of place?" she asks him, while squaring her shoulders and shaking her hair out of her face.

  
She looks like she's trying to collect herself but is just about to slap him again.

  
"Peg, I-" he tries to say but his voice is rough and unsteady for the amount of crying and talking he did, head pressed against her chest while telling her everything that happened.

  
It's been a week since he came back.

  
"No, don't. Now tell me why you thought I would condone something like this" she interrupts him, voice tight with anger.

  
He opens his mouth to answer but she lifts her hand in front of his face and exhales forcibly from her nose, low-key resembling a bull ready to charge.

  
Her jaw clenches painfully hard and Steve winces, confused.

  
"I'm sorry" he says anyway, because he was never able to just shut up and not even Peggy Carter can change that.

 

"Steve..." she says, sighing and leaning over to take his hand in hers, "I love you but sometimes you're so dramatic and idiotic that you make me question my tastes".

  
"But-" he begins but then leaves it hanging, unsure of where this is going.

  
He drags a hand over his eyes, weariness weighing in his bones and he's so old and he's so tired and he has definitely lived too long.

  
He feels the magnitude of it all ripple through him and he's shaken, shattered. The only thing anchoring him to the Earth is Peggy's hand, her voice.

  
"After everything you've told me, I really don't understand why you would come back here. You're telling me that you saw me at the end of a long and fulfilling life. That I had a husband and a family. A job I loved" she says, dumbfounded, and her accent is even more marked in her incredulity.

  
He nods shortly.

  
"Then how can you come here and ask me to love you while knowing that you're trying to change that without even asking me if you could? Are you really that arrogant to think you could make me happier than you already knew me to be? Because I sincerely don't think you are" she says, both tender and violent in the way she squeezes his hand.

  
"I'm not-" he stops, sighs, then tries again. "I thought that this was what I was supposed to do. Time travel isn't exactly something you come across every day and- I thought I had finally a chance to- Peggy, you have to understand... the future is so damn difficult, I couldn't- I just- I only wanted to go back to a time where everything was easier".

  
He's embarrassed by his stammering and how this explanation doesn't satisfy even him. It feels hollow and cold and his gaze is averted towards the floor. Shame burns hot in his guts.

  
"The world has never been easy, Steve, and you well damn know that. And this... all you lived... it may have changed you but the answer is not running away from it" she tells him, turning her anger into sympathy.

  
She's going way too easy on him and this kindness in front of his mistakes ultimately breaks him.

  
He feels his eyes swelling up again with more tears and it doesn't surprise him anymore.

  
She's strong where he isn't, she's reasonable where he can't be. She stands stoic and unbreakable in front of him and he loves her fiercely, but he also knows he has to let her go.

  
He holds her hand tighter, already anticipating having to say goodbye. She squeezes just as hard.

  
"I had my life, Steve. You're the one who told me so. I moved on and I was happy. It's time you do the same" she murmurs and her eyes flutter a couple of times.

  
She swallows hard and then sniffs, trying to keep it together and it hits Steve like lightning that what he always thought is actually true: he really doesn't deserve her.

  
He kisses her hand, tears falling from his eyes.

  
They stay like that, unwilling to let go already, holding onto each other like a lifeline.

  
He loves her, he loves her.

  
He lost her so long ago.

  
He's losing her all over again.

  
Peggy kisses the top of his head, his cheek, his chin, his lips. She wipes tears from his face and he drinks up every touch, leans into it, cries harder.

  
She holds him tenderly and looks into his eyes, searching, for quite a long time.  
He can see there's clearly something else she wants to say. He furrows his eyebrows, questioningly.

  
She hesitates and it's so unnatural of her that it makes him straighten up in his seat.

  
The room suddenly feels smaller, nervousness worming its way into his limbs.

  
He stares at the red curtains skirting the floor, a soft breeze puffing them out briefly, and waits.

  
"And... Barnes. You're telling me he's alive too?" she asks him softly when she finally makes up her mind.

  
"Yes" he confirms, moving his eyes on the crooked three-legged bedside table.

  
An image of Bucky's face flashes in his mind but he quickly banishes it away.

  
"Why the hell are you here, then?" she asks and she sounds mad again.

  
Steve blinks repeatedly, taken aback. Peggy gets up from the couch they were sitting on after untangling herself from their embrace and starts pacing.

  
"What-?" he tries to ask but she glares at him, stopping him in his tracks. Apparently not letting Steve talk is the theme today.

  
"Oh, don't you dare play dumb with me, Steve. Not after this" she says and waves her hand around, encompassing him, half disheveled on her silver couch, as if that's supposed to be self-explanatory enough.

  
It isn't. But maybe it's Steve who is slow.  
She snorts through her jose and he can see she's really done with him.

  
She raises her eyebrows and puts her hands on her hips, stopping to stare at him like he's being an idiot. Which... is fair.

  
Finally, understanding bolts through him and his mind goes 'oh' softly. He hunches on himself and pulls his hair, distraught.

  
"He- he doesn't need me anymore" he admits, voice feeble in the stillness of her bedroom. It hurts to say it out loud.

  
She sits down on her bed, two feet across from where he still is on the couch.

  
"Did you ask him if this was the truth?" she asks him.

  
"N-no" he stutters, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously.

  
Her answer is to sigh, pinch the bridge of her nose and squeeze her eyes closed, mumbling under her voice: "Men".

  
He rolls his eyes and ignores the sad ping in his heart that tells him Natasha would have the same exact reaction.

  
"I have no purpose there anymore, Peggy. I'm done fighting and he's finally okay, he doesn't need me" he repeats, unwavering.

  
Whatever she has to say, it won't change the fact that he's right.

  
He knows he has to go back. He knows what he's going to do on that day on the lake, he's going to hug Bucky and Sam and Nat. He's going to lie and say he's fine and then he's going back to being alone.

  
Peggy shakes her head as if she can read his thoughts on his face and, well, knowing her she probably can.

  
Is there anything Peggy Carter can't do?

  
"Steve, I'm saying this with the utmost respect towards you but... you truly know nothing at all. You're not in his head. You don't know what he needs or wants" she says kindly and almost reluctantly gets up to sit beside him again.

  
"Well, I know I need him more than he needs me" he counters back, hands fidgeting with the hem of her bright red robe.

  
"I wouldn't be so sure about that" she sighs, patting his hand.

  
He smiles crookedly and shakes his head, a forlorn look shading his eyes.

  
"Well, I don't know about you right now but I don't think I want to spend our last day arguing like this" she says, standing up and extending her hand for him to take it.

  
He obliges and lets her drag him to bed, where they lay silently facing each other like parallel lines, never touching. Never to meet in a converging point.

  
They don't sleep the whole night.

  
At dawn, he reaches over to her and kisses her softly, subdued light drifting through the curtains to paint her orange and vividly alive.  
Regret and melancholy make his body feel like a sack of stones.

  
He knows there's no reason to drag this any longer but he can't bring himself to let go just yet. There's something that doesn't sit quite right with him and he can't just ignore it. He sighs, pets her dark hair briefly and kisses her forehead.

  
"Peggy, there's... there's something I didn't tell you about your future-" he begins but Peggy covers his mouth with her hand, lighting fast, her eyes widening.

  
"Don't. I already know too much. And anyway... You can't change the past just because you can't handle the future, Steve" she says, with a special kind of strength behind her voice.

  
Even while nodding at her, he shakes silently. He can't change that. He can't tell her of the beast nesting in what she's trying to build. He can't avoid Peggy's work being ruined and stained.

  
It burns but, for once in his life, he lets it.  
He accepts it.

  
"Care for a last dance?" he says when Peggy releases him. He gets up clumsily from the bed, nervous.

  
She smiles brightly at him and follows him at the center of the room. She doesn't even complain when he steps on her toes.

  
Peggy rests her head on his chest and he feels at peace while they sway. He begins humming under his breath to compensate the lack of music and she chuckles.

  
"How can you be so desperately off-key even when you're just humming?" she ribs him quietly and he grins at her.

  
This is nice and perfect and everything but they can't delay this any longer.

  
They break apart and kiss one last time.

  
He takes an unsteady breath and squares his shoulders and he puts on a brave face for her.

  
"See you in sixty years" he says with a half smile.

  
She suddenly grabs his arm and opens her mouth, her forehead lining up with doubt.

  
"This is more difficult than I imagined, I-" she says, trembling.

  
"It's okay" he reassures her quietly.

  
"No, Steve, I-" she stops, shakes her head as if to clear it, and her eyes turn determined, "I know you can't stay but my mind doesn't seem to want to give up so please, forgive me for what I'm going to ask of you. I don't want this to be last you see of me. I'll wait for you on my wedding day. If you're not there, I'll know he's not the one. I want you to wear your best suit. You and Barnes both. Don't you dare be late".

  
He smiles at her and nods, even though he's breaking down inside.

  
"I'll be there" he whispers, pressing a kiss on the palm of her hand.

  
He sighs, gets his suit from the closet and puts it on, securing the spare vial of Pym particles in its socket.

  
"Thank God you're taking that hideous thing out of my house" Peggy says, eyes suspiciously glistening and voice unsteady, "All those colors mashed together... red, white, black... just pick one and stick to it".

He appreciates her effort to lighten up their goodbye and tries to match it.

  
"Yeah, I told Bruce that it made us look like Diet Coke cans but he insisted" he says with a laugh, looking down at his feet.

  
"What?" she asks, blinking repeatedly in confusion, "Diet Coke?".

  
He laughs harder.

  
"Sorry. A future thing".

  
"I'm gonna miss you" she whispers, fidgeting with her hair.

  
"Oh, don't sweat it. I'll see you in a while".

  
He sets the time GPS on the right coordinates and tries to stop shaking. With a wink and a soft swooshing sound echoing, he vanishes.

  
Peggy sags to the floor and presses a hand on her sternum, her heart beating wildly.

  
She made the right call. She knows it rationally even though the emotional part of her doesn't.

  
Moreover, she doesn't have time to wallow. Thompson sent word to her yesterday that he had intel on Dottie Underwood.

  
Peggy has a job to do.

 

                                                  * * * *

 

"In 5... 4... 3... 2... 1".

  
Steve feels catapulted back onto solid ground and staggers a little.

  
Bucky and Sam come over to steady him and help him down while Nat looks at him from where she's leaning against a tree.

  
"Were you successful, Captain?" Bruce says with a teasing smile.

  
"You know I was" he says with a heavy breath and he lets his friends drag him to a bench.

  
"I- I used the spare vials too. Had complications" he says over his shoulder to Bruce, who waves it off and starts packing the machinery.

  
Nat pats Bruce on his bicep as if to say 'good work' and then goes to sit next to what's left of her friends, her family.

  
She reaches in her jacket and hands Steve a peanut butter sandwich.

  
He eats it in one gulp and he doesn't miss the way Bucky is looking at him with his murder eyes.

  
Sam and Nat notice too and they share a silent look before they get up.

  
"I have to go, I promised Laura I would take her and the kids out. They're still very shaken" Natasha says, burying her hands deep in her pockets, shoulders hunched.

  
"And I'm gonna help Professor Hulk over there take everything inside" Sam says with a nod.

  
"Professor Hulk?" Bruce repeats with his brows furred. He hums, settles his glasses on his nose and then adds: "I like it".

  
"Yeah, you should have a science show on TV, you could give Bill Nye a run for his money" Sam continues as he grabs an unplugged console and shoves it between his arm and his hip. They start moving towards the cottage with Natasha in tow.

  
"Hey, Buck" Steve says.

  
"You came back" Bucky says, voice hoarse, looking at him intently.

  
Steve looks down at his own hands, pursing his lips and nodding.

  
"You came back" Bucky repeats more forcibly.

  
Steve tilts his head back to look at him and smirks, crinkles around his eyes.

  
"Yeah, I'm here".

  
Bucky bridges the gap between them and presses his side against Steve, even though he now refuses to look at him.

  
"Are you gonna stay?" Bucky asks and he sounds as if the question is wrenched away from him out of his will.

  
Steve hesitates but Peggy's words come back him to fuel him, so he reaches over and takes Bucky's hand in his.

  
"Yeah. If you want me to" he says and he's shaking again.

  
Bucky nods curtly, jaw clenched so hard that Steve is surprised his teeth aren't breaking down in pieces.

  
"Yeah. Yes. I want" Bucky says.

  
"We just have to visit an old friend. I made a promise" Steve whispers and he gets another nod in response.

  
They look at the still water in silence and even though this was a hundred years in the making, they don't rush it.

  
Bucky holds his hand back and squeezes. Steve leans his head on his shoulder tentatively.

  
They don't need anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked, leave a comment or go scream at me on twitter im @tombtowomb


End file.
